Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
