Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
