my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
