So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
