dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
