you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
