I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
