I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
