I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
