I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
