If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
