whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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