she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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