dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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