Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
