Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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