Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
