I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
