1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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