he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
