She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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