I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
