I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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