Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
