Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize