I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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