Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
