after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
