i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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