You're my little dorito
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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