I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
