I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didn't shave. On purpose
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize