forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
