and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My liver just had a heart attack.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
