she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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