Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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