he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
