I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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