You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
