don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize