Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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