...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
3 2 1 whiskey
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
