I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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