Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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