Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
