Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
