so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
