Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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