I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
