I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
