My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
