No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
