Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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