I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize