I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
