Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
