I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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