I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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