I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
