Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize