i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
