i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
