I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
