There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
