You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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