The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
