apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
