John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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