My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
