I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
