dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
