I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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